So, now that I’ve got an official role in the 2024 Presidential election, I made a prioritized list and got busy. As Campain 24’s official Instigator I need to be able to fight fire with fire. All the xisting roles in politics utilize mud slinging as their go to weapon. My first task, acquire mud slinger. I know, it sounds straight forward. But just like politicians, it was anything but.

I went online and after looking at several models I came to the conclusion that a standard off the shelf slingshot was not going to cut it. No, I did not want to be the proverbial idiot showing up to the gunfight with a knife. I need power, accuracy, stealth, cutting edge stuff is what I need! I need the nuclear bomb of slingshots if I want to survive campaign crud.

I needed to get the lowdown on sling shots since I don’t have any first hand experience with them. I wasn’t sure what I wanted but I did know that I was going to be slingin mud with the big boys and my very survival depended on this mudslinger. I knew there are a lot of home made sling shots. No. As I mentioned, I need a sling shot that has the ability to reach DC and once it gets there inflict some major damage.

I searched for manufacturers and of course they’re all in China. I contacted a couple of them and told them what I was looking for. The language thing was a bit of a challenge, but I thought I was pretty clear about what I was after. I thought they understood. I was hopeful. In fact, I thought I’d accomplished my mission.

They went to the drawing board and I waited. When I got the designs back it became evident that I should’ve had an interpreter. They clearly had no idea what I was going to be up against. Upon reflection, it was silly of me to think they would understand. I mean they’re under communist rule. They probably didn’t think I wanted FM&L’s to actually feel a hit I’d fired. Wrong. I want them to feel it. That’s the whole point. I need deadly. I need weaponry real weaponry. I need Cutting. Edge. Technology.

After seeing their designs I started to worry that my fight strategy would fail and I’d end up with campain crud again. I wasn’t about to give up though. I mean I was so looking forward to nailing some of the FM&L’s. (Fatmouths & Liars) I’d already found most of my target locations. I’ve been stockpiling ammunition for weeks!

I just needed to find someone who could design the slinger this will require. And then it came to me. Brother! Yeah, I remember as a kid he was always in trouble and it usually involved a sling shot. He’s all about weaponry. Plus he understands the dangers I’ll be facing slingin mud at the politicians. He understands the mentality I’ll be up against. He knows the influence and power and financial resources the Fatmouth & Liars have at their disposal. He understands they can make little people disappear. He knew what I needed in a slinger. He also understands how much I like pink. I called him up.

He brought me a prototype yesterday and I have to say He NAILED it!

Oh my goodness. With this mudslinger, I’ll be even more deadly to a politician than a special investigator!! Brother made me 2 of them. One pink, one Mossy Oak. He even designed a custom holster, complete with a little compact and lipstick case. Brother thinks of everything!

I can’t give too much detail, he is going for a patent. But it’s awesome! It’s a sleek, lightweight design. It has the latest technology, a scope, a laser and a silencer. It can be armed and fired remotely. It’s got onboard navigation! I can load GPS coordinates using voice commands I can program it via phone and bluetooth. Brother created an app for that!

It can sling everything from a spitwad to an orange with On the fly calibration. We’re not sure of its firing range but we tested it and it reaches DC. Boom! That’s the important thing. There’s a few more features, but I’m going to keep them to myself for now. The Fatmouth & Liars will know immediately other features of my slingshot hehe

This is so xciting I can’t wait to fire one!! I decided I should have a test firing. But who who would be my target I mean I don’t want to take out any of the presidential candidates, and deny the country, the ability to vote for the one they want.

I need to think about this I’ll get back to you. Let me know if you have any suggestions in the comments or should I call him requests?